There is still this vast difference between our comfort levels of talking about physical health vs. mental health. If you are on a weight loss plan, you’re telling everyone because a) you are proud of this lifestyle change, b) to help hold you accountable, or c) a combination of both. People are posting and talking about the latest cookbooks, workout venues, and weight loss regimens and yet we talk very little about how we are supporting our mental health.
So, how are you supporting your mental health? Do you get outside regularly? Do you have a group of friends that you talk to face-to-face about what’s bothering you? Do you have a counselor? Do you get enough sleep? Do you allow yourself to feel all your emotions and not label any of them as “bad?”
There’s the fascinating documentary called “Like” by IndieFlix which talks about the effects of social media. There are many poignant points that resonated with me as a child and teen counselor but one of the most important is this idea of selective posting and how it doesn’t replicate reality. Teens and adults look at social media posts and often think “that person has it all together” or “i’m the only one who _______” which can lead to further isolation. I hope you realize that people are selective in what they post and that their posts show only a snippet of who they really are.
Along the lines of social media is this idea that we, as a society, are connecting less face-to-face. So what’s the big deal? We can Face Time with our friends and family across the country and world? And yes while it’s great to see my mom’s face instead of just hearing her voice, it still doesn’t replicate the nonverbal communication that would be present in-person. I could notice if she’s fidgeting with her hands or even more important if she’s upset I could put my arm around her or give her a hug. How often do you have the opportunity to connect with someone face-to-face and feel heard? Do you have one friend, two friends, a partner, a neighbor who would sit with you and be present? I often think the urge to use social media is because we don’t know how to sit in stillness anymore with uncomfortable feelings so when we are felling sad, lonely, frustrated we mute those feelings and reach for the phone instead.
If you are looking for a counselor and don’t know where to look here are some ideas. Goodtherapy.org and Psychology Today are usually good places to start. You can narrow your focus to counselors by a zip code, speciality, insurance, etc. From there spend some time reading their bios to see if their approach would be a good fit and even better if they offer a free in-person intake. I do this as a counselor. I feel that if counseling is really going to work then both myself and my client need to feel comfortable. I invite new clients in for a 30 minute free intake so they can meet me face-to-face and learn more about my personality and approach. I would encourage you to find a counselor in your area who would do the same.
And finally, I keep coming back to that Brene Brown video on Empathy vs. Sympathy. Often if someone shares something troubling there aren’t words that will fix it and it’s not about “fixing” but rather about being seen. So next time a friend/partner/family member shares something vulnerable with you consider saying something like “I just don’t really know what to say right now but I’m so glad you told me” or “That sounds hard and I’m here if you need someone to talk to.”